Self Esteem Deflator and TSS

Harper has now reached the age where curiosity meets understanding.  This has translated into my desire to be a little more modest with my getting dressed in front of him -not necessarily because I think it is wrong for him to see the opposite sex's bare body, but he will often stare longer than I am comfortable and ask questions that make me feel downright self conscious.  Several weeks ago he happened to walk in on me in the bathroom after a tinkle and I was trying to put myself back together quickly before his barrage of questions could start.  But, I obviously wasn't quick enough.  As he saw my stomach, he points his tiny finger and says "Mommy what wrong wif you tummy?" 

Knowing he was pointing at the lines that my pants had left all around my mid-section from a long day of wearing them, I tried to blow him off with a simple - "Oh nothing Harper".  But, he was too quick and responded with "Are you pants too tight?"  

All I could say was "yes buddy they are" - even though I really wanted to go into a long soliloquy that their tightness was brought on because of my pregnancies with 2 little boys that obviously don't understand the long term effect of my altruistic sacrifice.  Something also told me that he wouldn't comprehend that I was actually below my pre-pregnancy weight but the shape of my body was lost somewhere between the birth of he and his little brother.  Wow - it is amazing how a 2 1/2 year old can really make you want to lock the door and change your clothes in the complete dark.

In addition to my need to be personally modest, I am also having to protect personal items that seem to be intriguing to little boys but hard to explain at this age.  Over the last couple of months he has become intrigued with certain products that are necessary for women on a monthly basis.  We tend to find tampons and their wrappers throughout the house where he has launched them out of their applicators like rockets.  On one particular day Harper had sadly launched one out of its applicator right into his mouth (CLEAN OF COURSE).  From another room, I hear a VERY paniced Matt with the following exclamation: "OH MY GOD HARPER GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH - IT IS FULL OF TOXINS".  Although I agree it should be nowhere near his mouth, I could not help but laugh and ask Matt where in the world he had come up with that notion.  He looked at me and said "I thought they contained toxins."  I said "Matt, it is only a compressed piece of cotton - I think you might be referring to Toxic Shock Syndrome - which is something you get when you leave them inside of you for 100 years and get a serious infection that sometimes causes death."  He simply responded with "Oh".

I wonder if I messed up his whole thinking of what tampons actually do for women? - maybe he thought the "toxins" actually stop your menstrual flow rather than the power of mother nature. All along he probably thought this was a medically necessary device rather than a means to control the flow.  Boys....they have so much to learn and I now have 3 of them to teach!

Back Where I Come From

We have spent the last week visiting family in Virginia and Kentucky. We enjoy coming back to the small town that I grew up in - located in the south west corner of Virgina - bordering Kentucky and Tennesse. This tiny town in the middle of nowhere offers a nice change of pace for all of us and provides the kids the chance to experience a slice of life that requires more imagination and less technology. It is the kind of place where you can sit on the front porch and talk about nothing but feel like you have solved everything. I always find the difference between city life and country life to be most interesting. In the city, houses are so close together but your next door neighbor often seems so distant. But, in the country, houses are farther apart, yet its seems your neighbor is close enough to be considered family. It seems just by proximity, it should be just the opposite.

Many of you who are faithful readers of the blog often get to hear me talk about my hometown but will probably never have the chance to visit. Although life in Wise, VA is similar to many small towns in the country, it is so different than where I live now. For those of you who can't relate, I have created a Top 10 list of my most recent observations to try and create some clarity around its uniqueness.... here it goes:

Wise is the kind of place where......

10. The local gas station billboard lists the price of only 2 of the 3 grades of gasoline. The 3rd spot is saved for the price of cigarettes.

9. Bringing out your "out of state" ID requires a great deal of explaining of what you are doing in this "neck of the woods". While trying to buy a fishing license, the young girl behind the counter gives Matt a puzzled look and says in her cutest accent, "You must hate it here.". The most popular response (or question) to a Utah driver's license in this part of the country is "So, are you Mormon?" I think Mitt Romney has put a new face on Mormonism - before his run for presidency, people in the south had a whole different picture of what a "mormon" looked like. The only other comparison in their minds were the Amish. Afterall, my first question upon arriving to Salt Lake 13 years ago was "where can I go see the Mormons?" The nice lady who answered said "Not very far, you are looking at one now."

8. In a conversation with another female adult it doesn't take you long to realize that the constant referral to "Baby" is not to the infant you have in tow but instead to you.... the adult. It is not uncommon to be referred to as "Baby" as a term of endearment. Such as, "Baby how have you been." "Well, baby, you are looking good these days." It takes other familiar terms like 'honey" and "sweetie" to a whole new level.

7. While sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office you can easily make a new best friend with the stranger sitting next to you. Today while waiting to see a doctor for Collier's ear infection, a very nice lady decides to share with mom and I her labor and delivery stories of both of her children. I know that her water broke soon after walking home from her church's revival service (which she felt had gone on too long). I know that by the time she got to the hospital she had dilated to a 7 and it was too late to get an epidural. I know that her daughter's name is a combination of her name and her mother's name and the child's initials spell DEB which was her deceased sister's name. I know that she was born at 3:13am which was her mother's birthday (March 13th) and I know that the child was born on May 9th which was her other sister's 50th birthday. In her mind, none of these things were coincidences. I know that had the nurse not called our name, I would have known all of the details of her divorce and remarriage that she had just begun to speak of.

6. The Easter message at church makes reference to God seeing no difference between various levels of sins. According to the minister, taste testing grapes at the grocery store bears the same weight as murder. Wow, in that case, Charles Manson can't even hold a candle to the sins that I have committed during my many grocery store massacres. I can't even imagine what would happen to those people who decide to take a "doggy" bag from a buffet.

5. The sound of a shot gun blast turns out to be the neighbor having target practice off his front porch.

4. At one of the "premiere" hair salons in town, the head hair dresser dips skoal and spits into a large plastic tumbler while he cuts and colors his client's hair. No one in the joint seems to think this is out of place.

3. A cobb salad at the local Dari Barn contains fried cheese bits, fried okra, fried broccoli, and everything else fried they can find in the kitchen. "Cobb" seems to be a misused title for this salad because there is no hint of egg, blue cheese or any of the other similarities to cobb salads across the nation.

2. The sound of sirens sends a frenzy throughout the neighborhood. Neighbors begin calling other neighbors until the victim is identified and all information about their condition is collected in morbid detail. Sadly in this situation, a young guy has taken a shot gun out to the hen house to take out some pesty opossums that continue to hassle his chickens. Unfortunately upon his return to the house, it appears he tripped coming up the stairs and accidentally activates the trigger and blows a fatal hole through his abdomen. Even more sad is the young wife and children he leaves behind. Amazingly enough, it only takes one phone call and about 10 minutes to find out all of this detail.

1. Shopping at Wal-mart one of the employees makes a reminder call over the PA system with the following message, "Wal-mart shoppers we would like to remind you that Wal-mart is now a smoke free business. Please do not smoke inside of the store. If you need to do so, there are ashtrays just outside of the doorway. Thank you for shopping at Wal-mart" I think this was the kinder gentler way of reminding Randy to stop smoking on aisle 12 - like he does at every store. But, I don't think Randy gives a crap about the 18 year old on the PA system who is trying to take away his god-given right of lighting up anywhere he damn well pleases.

I hope it doesn't come off as "making fun of" Wise because that is not my intention. I could probably come up with an equally funny top 10 of Salt Lake, but I just don't think it would be as interesting. Even with all of its idiosyncrasies, it was a good place to grow up. It is still the place I call home and most of all, it is still a large source of my entertainment.

I have tons of pictures I will post when I get back to Salt Lake. Since I am writing this at midnight in a hotel in Louisville, KY I don't have the easiest access to download all of the great pictures. Although the kids had a great time we are crossing our fingers for a good flight because it seems we have all caught a nasty sinus cold at varying levels.

Help Wanted: Looking for Domestic Easter Bunny

Since we will be back in Virginia during Easter, we have asked the Easter Bunny to come one week early to our house.

We have been telling Harper all week that the Easter Bunny would be visiting this weekend. Today, during one of our "Easter Bunny" conversations, the following dialogue took place:

Harper: Mommy when is the Easter Bunny coming?

Mom: He will come tonight while you are in bed.

Harper: Where will he bring my Easter basket?

Mom: He will put it in the living room.

Harper: Will he go downstairs?

Mom: I don't know do you want him to?

Harper: Yes and I hope he cleans our house too.

Wow - what sort of impression does Harper have of his living quarters that he is hoping that a oversized, strange animal that delivers a basket full of eggs and toys also has time to do some tidying around the house? I agree though - I hope the Easter Bunny decides to clean before he hops on over to the next kids house to deliver their basket full of junk!

On another note, I couldn't resist posting this video of Collier. In lieu of his little legs not yet providing the strength to walk, he has found his own mode of transportation through creative resourcefulness. It reminds me of a little old man on a walker - but I guess there are more similarities than one would like to admit between the beginning of our lives and the latter part of our lives.

Return of the Samurai

While Collier was in the womb, I was sure that he was going to be the wildest little guy on the planet. In a previous blog posting, I compared his active movements to that of a samurai. Much to our surprise he has been the mildest little guy around for the last 9 months - both content and docile.

But, what seems like overnight, our little "samurai" is BACK!

He is a wiggle worm and a force to be reckoned with. He often seems to forget that he is 21 months younger than his brother and will try anything that Harper does (mind you, he can't even walk yet but that doesn't seem to stop him). He is brave and often reckless. He is determined and inpatient - yet has a smile and a laugh that can melt your heart.

I couldn't resist sharing some photos that might give you an idea of how it is to change the diaper of a little samurai. Just in case the pictures don't give you a complete mental picture of what we are facing right now, I'll provide some comparisons to let you know what it might be like:

Have you ever tried to bathe a cat?
Lasso a beetle? or
Catch a fish with your bare hands?

If you have, you might be able to comprehend diapering our little Collier.